It’s Not Over Till The Fat Lady’s Name is Misspelled

In the seventh grade, when I was thirteeen years old (early 1967), I had an instrumental teacher named Eleanor Betz Alter. Apparently, I had a habit of correcting her. On one occasion she talked about the opera singer Birgit Nilsson and wrote Nilsson’s name on the blackboard incorrectly as “Nielson.” I corrected Mrs. Alter. I said, “You spelled the name wrong. It’s N-i-l-s-s-o-n not N-i-e-l-s-o-n.” This angered Mrs. Alter who said, “You know, it says something about you that you have to correct people all the time!” I’m sure it did. But what did it say about a 13 year old kid that he could identify the name of an opera singer? What does it say that I can still remember that anecdote 50 years later?

I make people feel like they have to prove themselves around me! It started early !!

As a result of these special brain characteristics, gifted thinkers typically enjoy benefits including more vivid sensing, prodigious memory, greater fund of knowledge, more frequent and varied associations, and greater analytic ability. However, these same neurological characteristics carry a number of potential drawbacks, including sensory, emotional, and memory overload, sensory hypersensitivities, personal disorganization, sensory distractibility, delayed processing due to “analysis paralysis” (or getting “lost in thought” due to an excess of options), and mental fatigue.

more frequent and varied associations, = “He’s bipolar with loose associations and flight of ideas”

and greater analytic ability. = “He makes people feel like they have to prove themselves”

http://education.jhu.edu/PD/newhorizons/Neurosciences/articles/Brains%20on%20Fire/index.html

I have a high-powered corporate culture going on !!

One of the keys to maintaining this appropriate balance lies within the front of the brain of gifted thinkers. This balance can be achieved through a coordinated interaction of the right and left lobes in what we’ve termed “Creative Corporate Thinking.” Creative Corporate Thinking consists of a partnership between the Chief Executive Officer (CEO) on the left, and the Creativity Director on the right. The interaction between these two entities is that “corporate balancing act” between the “Suit” or CEO on the left that focuses and prioritizes goals, works out details, and implements strategies, and the “Talent” or Creativity Director on the right that dreams, combines ideas, sensations, and images, generates alternative approaches, and is oriented toward the “Big Picture.” Each of these functions has its distinct “corporate culture” with its unique style and language, and each is essential for good corporate function. The key to optimal thinking is to maintain productive communication and cooperation between the two sides. This cooperation is essential regardless of the task. Even seemingly “analytical” skills like math involve tremendous amounts of imaginative, dreamy, associational thinking; and even seemingly “abstract and creative” skills like painting or sculpting involve tremendous amounts of detailed planning.

Chief Executive Officer – perfect score on Wisconsin Card Sorting Test (evidence of high executive functioning)

 

 

What Would Dr. Stern Say About Me?

narcissist-feature

Mr. Freedman has severe narcissistic pathology that centers on his need to preserve his sense of omnipotence. The reason why he chose not to take up the practice of law is that he cannot embark on any activity that would challenge his abilities and subject him to the possible exposure of his limitations and inadequacies. He cannot tolerate the possibility of humiliation because that would rupture his need to be perfect, his need to be omnipotent. Mr. Freedman’s fantasy of omnipotence serves to eliminate the experience of frustration and pain, that of a humiliating sense of need or dependency, and related feelings of envy. (Of whom would an omnipotent, grandiose self be envious?)

My response?

I’m happy to be the world’s greatest plagiarist, Dr. Stern!

Problems with Therapist

Several problems emerged in my session with my therapist on June 19, 2017.

During the session I recounted the following anecdote regarding a previous therapist.  I stated that at one of my sessions with a past therapist, a fourth-year psychiatry resident, the pychiatrist reported that he had had a job interview that morning.  He bragged about his performance at the interview, telling me how much the interviewer had been impressed with him and what a good job he did at the interview.

My current therapist offered the opinion: “Perhaps people feel they need to prove themselves around you.”  She was implying that I induce these feelings in others as a way of moderating my own feelings of insecurity.  That’s a valid interpretation.  Perhaps I am an insecure person who devalues others in subtle ways in order to make others feel insecure about themselves.  My attempt to make the therapist feel he needs to prove himself perhaps relates to my struggle with envy and my need to defeat the therapist through rivalry and competition. Dr. Kernberg viewed persons with narcissistic personality disorder as among the most difficult to treat because much of their effort goes into trying to defeat the therapist. For the treatment and the therapist to be effective, these patients must deal with their intense feelings of competitiveness and envy that someone else has good qualities that they lack. Gabbard, G.O. Psychodynamic Psychiatry in Clinical Practice at 499 (Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Press: 2014).

But there are other interpretations.

1. Perhaps the psychiatry resident was grandiose and needed to brag about himself. It is telling that at another session he said: “I have never masturbated in my life. Never! I have never masturbated.”  On another occasion I pointed out to the resident an instance of what I termed counter-transference.  He replied: “I do not show counter-transference.  Counter-transference only happens in inexperienced psychiatrists.  I so not show counter-transference.” These comments suggest that the psychiatrist felt he was perfect and that he needed to brag about his perfection in different ways.  Is there a link between grandiosity the perceived need to prove one’s self? 1/

2. Perhaps the psychiatrist was an insecure person himself and felt even more insecure working with a highly intelligent patient. It is well to keep in mind the following anecdote. In the year 1989 I visited the Sheppard Pratt Employee Assistance Program to obtain a psychiatric referral. I spoke with a social worker who said she would look into a referral for me. I had given the social worker a copy of an autobiographical writing (The Caliban Complex). About a week later I returned to her office at which time she said: “I am referring you to Floyd Galler, M.D. (a personal friend of Dr. Palombo’s, incidentally — they had done a psychiatric residency together at Harvard). He’s a top notch psychiatrist. You can’t see just any therapist. You need to see a top notch person.” I later had occasion to read my chart of confidential mental health information at Sheppard Pratt. The social worker had described me in her notes as a “brilliant man.” ( She also described me as schizoid rather than narcissistic).  Perhaps the issue is that I make less than top notch therapists feel insecure, make them feel they need to prove themselves around me. That raises the relational issue of what happens between a highly intelligent patient and therapists who have their own personality problems or intellectual limitations. Cf. Modell, A. “Narcissistic Defense against Affects and the Illusion of Self-Sufficiency,” at 296: “[An] environmental trauma may occur [in a young child where there is] disillusionment with the mother based on an accurate perception of the mother’s faulty judgment. For example, one patient who was in fact intellectually precocious perceived at the age of two or three that his mother was mad, although the extent of her madness was hidden and this fact was not acknowledged by her family or by her neighbors. The child, however, observed that his mother’s judgment was off and that he could not rely on her.” Perhaps similar dynamics apply to the relationship between me and some of my therapists — the relationship between a gifted patient and less than stellar therapists.

3. Perhaps there was an issue of jealousy between me and the therapist based on a three-way relationship. The psychiatry resident was supervised by Earle Baughman, M.D., a senior psychoanalyst at St. Elizabeths Hospital. I had provided Dr. Baughman a copy of my book Significant Moments. Dr. Baugheman is an expert in literature, particularly the writers of the American South, such as William Faulkner. The psychiatry resident often told me about glowing comments that Dr. Baughmann made about me, about how much I had going for me. The resident said: “Dr. Baughman often opens your book and reads passages from it to me to illustrate different psychological points.” How did this resident react to his supervisor using his patient’s book as a teaching tool? One wonders.

Perhaps these comments by Dr. Baughman to the psychiatry resident aroused jealousy in the resident and caused him to feel he needed to prove himself around me. (There is a possibility of anti-Semitism here, also. The resident mentioned a number of times that Dr. Baughman was Jewish and he knew that I was Jewish also.  The resident was a non-Jew.  Perhaps the resident at some level felt that the Jews were ganging up on him.) These observations point to how shallow and simplistic my therapist’s opinions are. She says she is interested in relationships but she has no feeling for the complexity and subtlety of relationships and seems unable to go beyond her own projections. Apparently, this therapist felt that it was she who needed to prove herself around me and proceeded to project those feelings onto my previous psychiatrist. That procedure was strikingly simplistic and projective.  (Dr. Palombo mentioned that my personality showed signs that I was struggling with the effects of jealousy in my developmental environment.  Peter Blos points out that a father’s rivalry with his young son can be an important issue in the dyadic father complex that predates the boy’s Oedipal struggle.   Blos points out the link between this issue of pre-Oedipal paternal rivalry and the boy’s early fear of maternal engulfment.   Fears of maternal engulfment appear to be important in my case.  My current therapist failed to see how my possible struggle with paternal jealousy in a previous therapeutic relationship relates to my transference fears of engulfment by her — and in a grossly simplistic fashion points to the issue of my eliciting grandiosity from my previous therapist.   Blos, P. “Freud and the Father Complex” at 431.  The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, Vol. 42 (New Haven: Yale University Press: 1987). My sister reports that on one occasion she witnessed my father beating me when I was an infant — perhaps evidence of early paternal jealousy. One wonders how struggles about paternal jealousy molded my character and the possible link to my fears of maternal engulfment. See Blos, above.

4. Perhaps the resident was envious of me. Perhaps the resident felt he was in competition with me. Dr. Kernberg points out that competitiveness can be a sign of envy.  Perhaps the resident himself was struggling with his own intense feelings of competitiveness and envy that someone else ( that is, I) had good qualities that he lacked.

5.  Note how the therapist revealed a paranoid-schizoid split in her thinking.  At a previous session the therapist described me as feeling that I was special and that I felt I needed to be an unforgettable patient.  In effect, the therapist was pointing out my grandiosity.  At this session, the therapist was saying that I was eliciting grandiosity in my previous psychiatrist.  There is an old Jewish saying: Jug falls on rock, jug breaks.  Rock falls on jug, jug breaks.  Poor jug!  Notice how the therapist evidences a split in her thinking.  Only I have agency (or drives or defenses) (I am a bad object).  The people with whom I interact have no agency (no drives or defenses) (they are the good object).  If I puff myself up I am grandiose.  If another person puffs himself up in relation to me it is because I am grandiose and am eliciting grandiosity from the other.  What is interesting is that these dynamics in a parenting context engender serious pathology in the child.  Where the child is always treated as if it is he who is in the wrong, a severe guilt reaction in the child can ensue. Such a parenting style can engender introjective pathology in the child that centers on a struggle around the issue of guilt. Reis, S., Grenyer, B.F. “Pathways to anaclitic and introjective depression.” Psychol. Psychother. 2002 Dec;75(Pt 4):445-59. I appear to have serious introjective pathology. Is this therapist helping me, or actually reinforcing my pathology?  Is this therapist actually making my condition worse?

_______________________________________________________________
1/  I had the distinct feeling that a previous psychiatrist at GW, Suzanne Pitts, M.D. felt she needed to prove herself around me.  On one occasion I saw Dr. Pitts talking in a friendly manner with a senior psychiatrist in the hallway in the psychiatry department.  At my next session, Dr. Pitts asked me:  “What did you think of me talking to Dr. ———?”  On another occasion I asked Dr. Pitts to look into assigning me to a different resident.  I said: “If there’s another resident who is better suited to treat me, I would like to see that resident in treatment.”  Dr. Pitts responded:  “There is no one else.  There is no one better suited to treat you.  I am God-like!”  God-like?

Barry Stern, what say you?

Glenn Gabbard, what say you?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glen_Gabbard

Barry Stern, Ph.D. — Transference-Focused Psychotherapy for Narcissistic Personality.

npd

My thoughts about Dr. Stern’s paper. I think it is shallow, simplistic and dehumanized. First of all how can a psychoanalyst present a case without a patient history or any biographical facts. We end up knowing nothing about this patient other than the fact that he is caught in a struggle to preserve his self esteem. He talks about the patient as if he were a corporation — a nonhuman entity that is solely interested in maximizing profits (interpersonal exploitiveness) and preserving an idealized self image through public relations and advertising. I find it interesting that Dr. Stern compares the patient in his relationship to his analyst to a customer accessing cash through an “ATM” machine — a revealing comparison perhaps. Maybe it is Dr. Stern who is projecting a dehumanized corporate image onto the patient !! There is more to humans — even narcissistically disturbed humans — than a struggle about preserving self esteem. I ended up feeling sorry for the patient even if he was an obnoxious bastard.

Dreams about Not Understanding

I don’t understand the dialogue.

https://dailstrug.wordpress.com/2014/08/03/the-dream-of-the-malaysian-jet-liner-a-question-of-war-crimes/

I listen to the teacher and am unable to follow him.

https://dailstrug.wordpress.com/2017/02/14/a-dream-about-being-lost/

I don’t understand anything that he says but I listen with keen interest.

https://dailstrug.wordpress.com/2013/12/13/the-dream-of-beethoven/

The cantor sings in Hebrew. ( I don’t understand Hebrew.)

https://dailstrug.wordpress.com/2017/05/14/dreaming-and-memory/

Early in my work with Dr. Palombo, he asked me why I was not practicing law. I said, “Lawyers wouldn’t understand what I was talking about. They would think I was crazy.” Dr. Palombo dismissed this statement as if it were ridiculous. Again, psychoanalysts should not censor their patients. Sometimes patients reveal deep meaning and conflicts in seemingly ridiculous statements.  Obviously, the issues of understanding and misunderstanding (or incomprehension) are emotionally-charged for me.

(See the attached paper about a law student who felt that he was chronically misunderstood by others.

https://dailstrug.wordpress.com/2014/07/16/the-narcissistic-law-student/)

Here’s another example of Dr. Palombo dismissing me:

http://dailstrug.blogspot.com/2010/02/maybe-i-have-nobel-prize-complex.html

God knows what Dr. Palombo would have said if I had told him I arouse psychotic anxieties in people. But I do arouse psychotic anxieties in people in groups.

(“I’m afraid he might come back and kill us or something.”)

(“We’re all afraid you’re going to buy a gun, bring it in, and shoot everybody.”)

http://www.moderntimesworkplace.com/archives/ericsess/sessvol1/Jaquesp420.opd.pdf

I wonder if I arouse psychotic anxieties in my therapists?

The Secret Sharer

ludwig-ii-of-bavaria-1845-1886-king-of-bavaria-castle-and-lake-starnberg-e0r3ec

August was the uncruel month that year.

I remember morning sun glimmering through heat-mists over the Starnberger See

and castle gates opening at first light

to welcome musicians for early rehearsal.

Later, on the green,

leader and follower assembled:

allies in paired counterpoint.

A multitude of subjects crowded in on each other.

“This music crept by me upon the waters”

In the field the trumpets trilled,

chasing the dreams of sonorities unbound.

He said, “Cosima, Cosima . . . ”

[inaudible]

I see crowds of people, walking round in a ring.

By and by

(the midday sun pursuing ennervated shadows)

Hofbrau beer quenched the thirst of their enthusiasm.

Then king and subject were alone:

“We were born one for another.”

[inaudible]

“Yes, majesty, my co-creator.”

Years passed.  August followed August.

The end surprised us coming under the Starnberger See.

Fear death by water.

________________________________________________

Tell me this poem is any worse than the following crap in The New Yorker !!

http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/02/13/promotion-rae-armantrout

email Message to Richard Cullen, Esq. — Chairman McGuire Woods — Counsel to Vice President Pence

Mr. Cullen:

I forward an email message I sent to Professor Daniel C. Richman at Columbia University Law School. Professor Richman was an adviser to former FBI Director, James Comey. I thought you would be interested to see what the perfect felony looks like.

Gary Freedman
Washington, DC

—–Original Message—–
From: Gary Freedman
To: drichm
Sent: Sun, May 14, 2017 2:14 pm
Subject: felony

Professor Richman:

I thought you might have an academic interest in this unusual matter.

There is evidence that I am using a lawful order issued by the D.C. Superior Court to help me commit a felony — a significant financial fraud — against the Government of the United States. Oddly, the FBI has acquiesced in my felony.

Below is a collection of pertinent documents:

Gary Freedman
Washington, DC