I felt less big, as a personality — smaller, contained, overshadowed —

and I kept trying to stretch myself out, yes, it

was a war I was having within me, not with

Ben, really — although it’s complicated, because I don’t think he

had any understanding of what I felt, even though I

tried to tell him, which made me mad at him,

and, see, he didn’t notice any change in me; I

mean, he was happy with me, but since I was

like a shadow, I wondered, how could he like this?

This wasn’t the woman he knew — why didn’t he notice?

____________________________

Paraphrases from The Erotic Silence of the American Wife by Dalma Heyn.

Advertisements