I felt less big, as a personality — smaller, contained, overshadowed —
and I kept trying to stretch myself out, yes, it
was a war I was having within me, not with
Ben, really — although it’s complicated, because I don’t think he
had any understanding of what I felt, even though I
tried to tell him, which made me mad at him,
and, see, he didn’t notice any change in me; I
mean, he was happy with me, but since I was
like a shadow, I wondered, how could he like this?
This wasn’t the woman he knew — why didn’t he notice?
Paraphrases from The Erotic Silence of the American Wife by Dalma Heyn.