I lost hold of life completely. I reached out for

something to attach myself to – and I found nothing. But

in reaching out, in the effort to grasp, to attach

myself, left high and dry as I was, I nevertheless

found something I had not looked for – myself. I found

that what I had desired all my life was not

to live – if what others are doing is called living –

but to express myself. I realized that I had never

the least interest in living, but only in this which

I do now, something parallel to life, and beyond it.


Paraphrases from the novel The Tropic of Capricorn by Henry Miller.