I lost hold of life completely. I reached out for
something to attach myself to – and I found nothing. But
in reaching out, in the effort to grasp, to attach
myself, left high and dry as I was, I nevertheless
found something I had not looked for – myself. I found
that what I had desired all my life was not
to live – if what others are doing is called living –
but to express myself. I realized that I had never
the least interest in living, but only in this which
I do now, something parallel to life, and beyond it.
Paraphrases from the novel The Tropic of Capricorn by Henry Miller.