At my last consult on June 21, 2016 my therapist asked me “What is your disorder?” after I referred to “my disorder.” Well, I can’t define my disorder, but I made a list of key features of my personality problems,
1. I have a dissociated lack of awareness of social needs. I am not even aware that I am lonely for the most part. This seems similar to the problem of the so-called “ego syntonic anorexic” patient. http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/eating-disorders/patient-resistance-eating-disorders
2. I have an impaired ability to obtain gratification from social relations. This may be related to low hedonic capacity. (Peter Kramer, M.D. talks about this issue in his book Listening to Prozac.)
3. I have an extravagant narcissistic need for idealization, mirroring and twinship with certain individuals.
4. I have strong feelings of alienation. I feel that I don’t fit in with most people.
5. I have low hedonic capacity and derive pleasure from few activities.
6. I am an “entitled victim” who believes that the world owes me compensation for my past suffering.
7. I struggle with powerful feelings of meaninglessness and futility.
8. I am overly perfectionistic, which is consistent with narcissistic disorder (and anorexia).
9. Psychological testing disclosed that I have significant depressive tendencies. I may be dysthymic.
10. I struggle with pathological mourning. According to Christine Kieffer, Ph.D. pathological mourning can cluster with the entitled victim (see 6 above), the narcissistic need for idealization, twinship and mirroring (see 3 above), and melancholia (see 9 above.). https://dailstrug.files.wordpress.com/2016/04/scanned-from-a-xerox-multifunction-device1.pdf