A Disciple-in-Waiting

I have always longed for a mystical experience. It is

something I hungered for as long as I can remember.

I yearned for the Great I Am: a sense of

merging with the universe. I thought that a mystical experience

would include some alteration of consciousness, some sudden illumination,

perhaps about the nature of the world. I wanted some

visible proof that I was special. It would be enough

for me if some enlightened soul had chosen me as

his pupil. I longed for merger with a great man.

I was a disciple-in-waiting who sought union with a Master.

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Paraphrases from the memoir My Father’s Guru by Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson.

* * * *

Intimations of Mystery

Sometimes when I find the key and climb deep into

myself where the images of fate lie aslumber in the

dark mirror, I need only bend over that dark mirror

to behold my own image, now completely resembling him, my

brother, my master. Within me there is something I love

and venerate, I have an ideal, life is rich with

intimations of mystery and legend and a feeling of dawn.

I crave mirroring acceptance, the merger with ideals, the sustaining

presence of others like me. — Howls the sublime, and softly

sleeps the calm Ideal, in the whispering chambers of Imagination.

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Paraphrases from the novels Demian by Hermann Hesse, Martin Chuzzlewit by Charles Dickens, and the essay “Summarizing Reflections” by Heinz Kohut.

 

 

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