I have always longed for a mystical experience. It is
something I hungered for as long as I can remember.
I yearned for the Great I Am: a sense of
merging with the universe. I thought that a mystical experience
would include some alteration of consciousness, some sudden illumination,
perhaps about the nature of the world. I wanted some
visible proof that I was special. It would be enough
for me if some enlightened soul had chosen me as
his pupil. I longed for merger with a great man.
I was a disciple-in-waiting who sought union with a Master.
Paraphrases from the memoir My Father’s Guru by Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson.
* * * *
Intimations of Mystery
Sometimes when I find the key and climb deep into
myself where the images of fate lie aslumber in the
dark mirror, I need only bend over that dark mirror
to behold my own image, now completely resembling him, my
brother, my master. Within me there is something I love
and venerate, I have an ideal, life is rich with
intimations of mystery and legend and a feeling of dawn.
I crave mirroring acceptance, the merger with ideals, the sustaining
presence of others like me. — Howls the sublime, and softly
sleeps the calm Ideal, in the whispering chambers of Imagination.
Paraphrases from the novels Demian by Hermann Hesse, Martin Chuzzlewit by Charles Dickens, and the essay “Summarizing Reflections” by Heinz Kohut.