In June 1978 I started psychotherapy with a psychiatrist in Philadelphia named I.J. Oberman. That was 39 years ago. I still puzzle over some of the things he said.

When I met him he told me he wanted me to be in the moment. Just say what was on my mind. He said angrily, “I’m not interested in your prepared scripts.” He was not interested in things I tried to show him. “You give me gifts. I’m not interested in your gifts.”

Early in my work I gave him a book about Freud. Some time later when I asked him about the book he said he left the book in the trunk of his car. (Was that a reference to anal intercourse?)

When I told him I would feel more comfortable if he asked me questions, he reacted angrily. “You want me to violate you. Questions are a violation! You want me to violate you.” (Was that a reference to anal intercourse?)

He once said to me: “You need to find a girl who will give you a blowjob.  You know, it’s called blowing, but actually it’s sucking.  It’s not really blowing.”  Yes, he said that.