TRUMP: I want Roberts out of here by the end of the day!
SPICER: But, Mr. President, you don’t have the power to fire the Chief Justice.
TRUMP: Says who? Call Rosenstein. Get him to come up with a rationale. I want Roberts out!
SPICER: Don’t you need a rationale before you fire?
TRUMP: No. Rosenstein knows the drill. Fire first. Then comes the rationale. Tell Rosenstein to work in something about that Obamacare decision.
SPICER: But that was five years ago.
TRUMP: Doesn’t matter. Still bothers me. Bothers me bigly!
(Spicer walks and and returns ten minutes later with a letter in hand.)
TRUMP: Is that the letter? Read it to me.
SPICER: This is what we worked up, Mr. President.
(Spicer reads the letter to the President.)
Dear Mr. Chief Justice:
I have received the attached letters from the Attorney General and Deputy Attorney General of the United States recommending your dismissal as the Chief Justice. I have accepted their recommendation and you are hereby terminated and removed from office, effective immediately.
While I greatly appreciate you informing me, on three separate occasions, that you really like my taste in neckties — I mean you really, really like my ties, and they’re great ties, don’t you think they’re great ties? —, I nevertheless concur with the judgment of the Department of Justice that you are not able to effectively lead the Supreme Court.
It is essential that we find new leadership for the Court that restores public trust and confidence in the produce market. Your decision in that Obamacare case opened the broccoli market up to manipulation by brocoli futures traders. By the way, I hate brocoli.
I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.
Donald J. Trump
TRUMP: I like it. Call Schumer.