I have observed that my therapist seems to project her concerns about me onto my relations with third parties. I see that as an expression of paranoia.
When I criticize past therapists the therapist says, “People who idealize some people devalue others.” Translation: “I feel that you devalue me.”
When I talk about a previous psychiatrist who bragged about his job interview she says, “People seem to feel they need to prove themselves around you.” Translation: “I feel I need to prove myself around you.”
When I talk about my sister’s emotional vulnerability, the therapist mildly chastises me, “I get the feeling that you are judging your sister.” Translation: “I feel that you judge me.”
When I say that I loved my sister more than my mother, the therapist says, “You were trying to provoke your mother.” Translation: “I feel you are trying to provoke me with your letters.”
Confirmation that I have identified a dynamic of paranoia comes from the following. In late 1991 I lodged a harassment complaint against my supervisor (and others) to my employer. Thereafter, the supervisor wrote a memo to a senior member of management. The supervisor had every reason to be angry with me. I was screwing around with her employment. I find it hard to believe she wasn’t angry with me. The content of the letter she wrote about me is intriguing. She doesn’t mention anything about her relationship with me. She doesn’t cite any problems with me at all!! The whole letter goes into my relations with third parties (my coworkers). I see that as a paranoid dynamic. The supervisor was projecting her anger onto my relations with third parties. That’s paranoia.
In the memo she says that third parties (coworkers) are afraid of me. It’s telling that after I was fired she reported to employees that she was afraid of me –– afraid I might return to kill her.