asked about my fantasies as a child

I talked about movie The Time Machine which I saw at about age 7. Man builds machine. Transports man to 500,000 AD. World inhabited by Morlocks (cannibals) and Eloi (the food).

I launched into intellectual discussion about letter to dr. shaffer.

no comments at all from therapist.  I talked virtually non-stop throughout the session.

therapist gave talk at session’s end on how I was actually doing psychotherapy correctly: using the therapist as a springboard to self – insight.

assured me that she is not scapegoating me.

(1) how would she know?

— gaslighting is common among therapists (“Psychotherapy and psychiatry have been described as forms of gaslighting wherein the therapist or psychiatrist is characterized by the patient to be of a more sound, all-knowing mind (i.e. an expert). Potentially, this may create a conflict where patients are unable to trust their immediate sense of their feelings and surroundings in favor of the interpretations offered by the therapist, which come in the form of doubt or skepticism at the patient’s appraisals and perceptions of the world. Furthermore, gaslighting has been observed between patients and staff in inpatient psychiatric facilities. ” See, e.g.,  Lund, C.A.; Gardiner, A.Q. (1977). “The Gaslight Phenomenon: An Institutional Variant”. British Journal of Psychiatry. 131 (5): 533–534.

failed to see issue of symbiosis between mother-child and therapist-patient — relationship to eloi and morlocks

failed to see issue of child abuse: Shengold’s material on mother as sphinx — the mother as cannibal (vagina dentata).

failed to see issue of maternal engulfment. first session gave therapist letter discussing my fear of being “devoured” by mother. therapist made no connection between Time Machine discussion of cannibals and mother (only sees acting out in relation to mother — her own paranoid concern). She saw the following in black and white!! “Subject’s idealization of males is a defense against being swallowed up by a woman.” See Shengold, L. Soul Murder: The Effects of Childhood Deprivation and Abuse (see especially the chapter, “The Parent as Sphinx”).”

This sphinx was an imposing stone structure whose head resembled that of a Morlock but represented in an abstract style. It was outfitted with sirens whose original purpose was to warn humans who had ventured out from the underground to the surface that a bomb or other catastrophe was threatening and that they should return underground for safety. By the year 802,701, however, the sirens were used to cull the Eloi by making them march in a trance-like state into the Sphinx’s entrance.

failed to see issue of intense feelings of alienation: man living out of his time — feelings of total alienation failed to draw connection to my list of symptoms which I gave her at first session She saw the following in black and white !! (see paragraph 11 of document I gave therapist)

more on letters: Searles article

failed to see letters as attempt to cure mother — letters as invested with libido (altruism, curing therapist) — sees only aggression (acting out against therapist) (searles material). Typical sign of paranoia: seeing neutral or friendly gestures as hostile.

failed to see issue of role reversal. (gave therapist summary of family of origin discussing severe role reversal). She saw the following in black and white!!

Therapist emphasizes that my problem with her is that I have a pathological need for attunement (“wanting too much”) — NO!! She’s not attuned to the material I present: e.g., role reversal, feelings of alienation, fear of being eaten by mother. That’s scapegoating !!